What We Run From – Part 2: Anxiety

We have all experienced it. Some of us visit it. Some of us live in it. And it can stop us in our tracks.

Anxiety is a very real thing. It has become so common in our society that it is not just a personality quirk people joke about anymore. It is a real mental health issue, and yes, it is even a diagnosis. I know because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, whatever that means. Sounds official. Still feels like, “Congratulations, your brain would like to rehearse disasters on a loop.”

Some people can cope, let it pass, and move on. Some people get really stuck here. And when that happens it is not just debilitating. It can be dangerous. In recovery, when we start looking honestly at what we run from and the lengths we have gone to escape, chronic anxiety can be a different animal. Sometimes we need professional help just to learn how to cope. That is not weakness. That is wisdom.

It is easy to say that as we heal from the stuff feeding our anxiety, the anxiety should lessen. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it absolutely does not, at least not right away. Sometimes professional help is needed. Counseling. Medication. Skills. Breathing exercises. Boundaries. Rest. Recovery is not anti-help. Recovery is pro-honesty.

My own journey is pretty average, I think. I even take medication for it and even the “good med's” if I need it. We are not going all the way down that rabbit hole in this post, but we are not staying on the surface either. This one matters too much for that.

What Anxiety Actually Is (And Isn’t)

Anxiety is not just stress or overthinking. It is your mind and body reacting like something is wrong even when nothing is.

Research shows anxiety is your fight, flight, or freeze alarm system going off when there’s no threat. It is meant to protect you, but it starts firing when there is no real danger.

That is why it feels so real. Your body believes something is wrong even when your life says otherwise.

• Tight chest, shallow breathing, tension in your body
• Racing thoughts, worst-case scenarios, constant second guessing
• Restlessness, irritability, trouble sleeping

It is not just in your head. It is in your body, your thinking, and how you move through life.

How Anxiety Shows Up

Anxiety does not always show up like a panic attack in a movie scene where somebody collapses dramatically in a grocery store aisle next to canned corn. A lot of the time it looks normal from the outside and miserable on the inside.

It can show up socially. It can show up spiritually. It can show up at work, in relationships, in traffic, or for no obvious reason at all. That is part of what makes anxiety so frustrating. Sometimes it makes sense. Sometimes it just barges in like it pays rent.

And then, because we are addicts, we do what addicts do. We look for relief. We look for escape. We look for a way to get out from under it.

So how do we run from it? Straight to the drug. Straight to distraction. Straight to fantasy. Straight to something that numbs, soothes, stimulates, or shuts down the noise. But escape what, exactly? A lie? Shame? Hiding? Fear of rejection? Social anxiety? Usually some mix of all of it.

A lot of that overlaps with the first post in this series on fear of rejection. Same roots sometimes, different fruit. Same ache, different costume.

How It Shows Up in Recovery

In recovery, anxiety can look a lot more respectable than it really is. It can pass itself off as caution, responsibility, or “just trying to do this right.”

• Overthinking what you said in a meeting
• Putting off calling your sponsor
• Trying to figure everything out before taking action
• Replaying the past or living in the future
• Needing certainty before you move

It can even feel productive. But underneath it, it is still fear.

Instead of living just for today, we start trying to solve tomorrow, next week, and the rest of our lives by lunch. That usually goes about as well as you would expect.

What It Does to Our Recovery

Anxiety does not just make us uncomfortable. It starts steering.

• We avoid things that matter
• We isolate instead of reaching out
• We try to control people and outcomes
• We stay in our head instead of taking action

Over time that disconnect grows. From the program. From other people. From a Higher Power. The basics get replaced by analysis, fear, and delay.

The Effects

Anxiety is not just a thought problem. It hits the whole person.

Triggers

Some recovery work can trigger anxiety. Not because recovery is bad, but because healing means touching the stuff we spent years avoiding.

• Step work can stir up shame and fear
• Inventory can expose patterns we do not like
• Amends can light up fear of rejection or conflict
• Honest conversations can feel vulnerable and risky
• Silence and prayer can be hard when your thoughts are acting like raccoons in a trash can

That does not mean stop the work. It means do the work honestly and use support while you do it.

What Changed For Me

In the context of both recovery work and professional help, my anxiety is not really an issue anymore most days. I rarely ever need the "good meds" now. That did not happen because I had one amazing insight and became spiritually bulletproof by Tuesday. I wish. It has taken hard work, ups and downs, and a lot of trial and error. It has taken time. And always with the help of others. I still have a ways to go.

But I have tools now. I can recognize it, address it, do what needs to be done with it, if anything, and move on. One of the first and best tools I have been given is this: recognize and accept that I am having anxiety and let it happen.

What? No way. You are supposed to take it away, man. Nope. Does not work that way for me. Turns out leaning into it instead of panicking and trying to escape works a lot better.

That is just the first step. And honestly, a lot of the time it is enough. Now when it shows up, I accept that it is there and then I get honest. Usually there is something I am holding onto that I was never meant to carry. Shame. Guilt. Perfectionism. Ego. Fear. I name it and I accept that this is what is going on. If it is something I need to address, then I address it.

Is it easier to say than to do? Maybe a little. But it is still way easier than anxiety tells you it is. Anxiety is full of it.

The other day I took a day off and did basically nothing. I watched TV and read my sci-fi book all day. I am currently reading the Dungeon Crawler Carl series and it is hysterical. Toward the afternoon I noticed I was starting to feel anxious. Okay, I am feeling anxious. Why? Guilt. I felt guilty for doing nothing all day. Did I earn the break? Probably not. Was I hurting anyone or anything by taking the day? Nope. Was I being irresponsible? Also nope.

So why was I feeling guilty? If I asked most people whether I was allowed to take one harmless day off, they would probably look at me like I had three heads. That is how irrational anxiety can be. So I recognized it and just let it happen. About ten minutes later it passed, and I enjoyed the rest of my day off like a normal human who watched too much TV and did not die from it.

This Is Bigger Than Most People Think

Anxiety is not some niche problem affecting a few fragile people who just need to relax. It is common, it is serious, and it has grown into a major issue in American life.

So yes, diagnosed versus undiagnosed matters. A lot of people are dealing with anxiety who have never gotten help, never gotten evaluated, or just learned to white-knuckle it and call it “my personality.” Which is a terrible plan, by the way.

And over the last twenty years, anxiety has become more visible, more discussed, and more disruptive. Some of that is because we are finally talking about it honestly. Some of that is because life is actually feeding it. Either way, it is here, and pretending it is not a real issue does not help anybody.

Tools For Coping

Let’s put some tools in one place. These are not magic tricks. They are practical ways to respond instead of just react.

Sometimes the right move is step work. Sometimes it is therapy. Sometimes it is medication. Sometimes it is a nap and a sandwich because your nervous system is trying to start a mutiny and you have not eaten since yesterday. (Great, Now I am hungry.) Recovery is not about pretending all tools are the same. It is about using the right ones honestly.